I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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