I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
