i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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