Your face is a jimmy john
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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