did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
