trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
