Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
