i need an iv and a liver transplant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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