OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize