How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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