Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
