So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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