I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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