Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
