yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
