just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
