Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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