wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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