idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
