Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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