is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
