What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
