His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
