Ambien. No doubt about it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
