brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
