theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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