Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
