genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
