i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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