Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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