The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
