Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
