Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
