she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
