I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
