oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
