Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
accomplished twins. life is a go
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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