i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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