you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize