Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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