I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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