how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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