my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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