I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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