he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
