who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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