I want to stick my p in your. b.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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