talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
