so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
