my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
