btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
