so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So vagazzling was a success
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
