And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
