I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
