make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
