You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize