its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
