Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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