As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
