Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
