beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
