I love black thongs
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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